Once we get our stories developmentally healthy (Part 1), it’s time to analyze our word choice. And every single word matters. I’m gonna geek out on this part. Because I LOVE revising on a line level. It’s literally my favorite part of the revision process.

You might be thinking, she’s being picky and petty. And yes, I am. And you should, too. Your story shines when the words you chose to tell it fade into the background. When your reader doesn’t feel like they are reading—THAT is when the magic happens. So let’s get started!

Sentence, Paragraph and Chapter Length

In the days of short sound bites and attention spans, the decisions you make on the length of your prose can mean the difference between gaining a reader or losing one. (And I’m aware this is a lengthy sentence it’s instructional not fiction:)

According to a recent study, the average attention span of a human is 8.25 seconds. Additionally, the average length of most sentences in published fiction is around 10-12 words. Your sentences should vary. I just recommend using over 20 word sentences sparingly and with intention.

Authors often think lengthy, descriptive prose make them sound like better writers. That couldn’t be farther from the truth. Short sentences, short paragraphs, and especially short chapters, are scientifically proven to keep readers reading much longer than overwritten prose.

Check Point

Run your work through a program such as AutoCrit (the sentence length function is free!) to see how long your sentences are. It will show you which are above average word count. Anytime you can cut words, combine words, swap two for one, etc. your sentences are crisper and the important words not buried.

Additionally, check the length of your chapters. Make sure they are short enough that a reader could read one more quickly before turning lights out.

Exposition and Narration

Exposition is the author telling the reader information. Narration is showing the reader information. Both are necessary elements of writing. But often, especially debut authors, tend to overuse both. Exposition and narration are often used as a tools to explain/describe setting, world building, or backstory. But as mentioned in developmental editing, too much and it’s risky. Readers engage with characters and action more than chunks of information.

Additionally, if authors overuse exposition and narration, it can led to lengthy paragraphs that pull readers out of the scene. So use it sparingly and as always, with intention.

Check Point

As an experiment, take out all exposition and narration in a lengthy paragraph and only add in what is absolutely necessary for your reader to understand what is happening. Or take the exposition and narration and turn it into a scene with the use of dialogue and action. You 100% need both, but don’t rely too heavily on exposition and narration and forget to deliver in-scene dialogue and action.

Active versus Passive Voice

Passive voice often includes forms of the verb “to be.” For example, “The car was repaired by John.” Versus active voice, “John repaired the car.” It’s basically a sentence structure where the subject of the sentence is the recipient of the action as opposed to the subject of the sentence engaging in the action.

Check Point

Look out for sentences with forms of “to be” (am, is, are, was, were, be, been, being) and see if there is a way to revise to active voice. And not all sentences should be written as active. Just something to keep an eye on so your writing reads more polished.

Process Language

Process Language is the physical movements of a character. Example, “She grabbed her purse, dug out her keys, put them in the ignition, and started the car.” The actions of a character are important. We don’t want talking heads floating around.

But consider which actions are grounding and include those. If getting her keys is a big deal because she often loses them, use specificity to show that. “She dug into her Coach bag and held her breath hoping she’d find her keys.” So in this case, showing a Coach bag and her hoping they’d be there are character building. But detailing each time a character stands, sits, lays, walks, moves, turns, etc. bloats word count and muddles plot. Work on creative ways to show it without so much telling.

Check Point

Analyze a scene in your story and jot down the process language you use. Keep what is important, use it to build character or setting, and cut the rest.

Show versus Tell

Russian novelist Anton Chekhov has a famous quote: “Don’t tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass.”

Showing immerses a reader in the scene. They feel like they are experiencing the action along with the character. Telling is a summation of what has happened. And there is a time and place for both. For scenes integral to plot and character arc focus more on showing. For summarizing things that aren’t such as getting from point A to point B, or the passage of time, telling is perfectly fine.

Check Point

To determine if you are showing versus telling check if your scenes have dialogue, interiority, and action beats. Also, if a scene isn’t moving the plot forward, either cut it or summarize it in a one – two sentence telling. (Another way is to check for those to-be verbs which often lean into telling.)

Verbs, Verbs, and More Verbs!

I argue that verbs are THE singular most important words in writing. Verb choice can be the difference between a reader being immersed and a reader feeling distant to the work. Verb choice can impact readability and word count. Verb choice can influence specificity and tone. So let’s look at an example.

She slowly walked across the room, gently picked up the dusty book, then carefully placed it into her bag.

Let’s pull out the verbs: walked, picked, and placed. Nothing wrong with them. But all three a modified by adverbs: slowly, gently, carefully.

If you must modify a verb with an adverb to get the effect you want, you are likely using weak verbs. Consider swapping for a stronger verb than means the same thing.

She shuffled across the room, cradled the dusty book, and nestled it into her bag.

Now nothing about this example is literary genius. It’s just an example to show how stronger verbs can amplify your craft.

Check Point

Take a paragraph of your current work in progress. Make a list of all verbs. Attempt to replace with stronger verbs. Bonus if you can cut adverbs and adjectives by using stronger verbs!

Filter Language

Filter language is one of the most common rookie mistakes writers make. And it’s SO easy to fix. Once you see it, you’ll never be able to UN-see it.

Filter language is when authors use words such as see, hear, feel, smell, etc. which puts narrative distance between the reader and impacts immersion in story.

For example: I hear birds chirp out the open window. The filtering word hear makes the reader feel as if the scene is filtered through the main character. Instead, try Birds chirp out the open window. Now the reader feels as if they are hearing the birds alongside the character.

Below is a list of some common filter words.

• See
• Look
• Hear
• Know
• Realize
• Wonder
• Decide
• Notice
• Feel
• Remember
• Think

Check Point

Check out my article on filter language, then search your manuscript for common filtering words and work to revise sentences you can. Note that not all filtering can be removed nor should. There are times, when used with intention, is the right choice. But again, use with extreme intention.

Dialogue, Action Beats, and Dialogue Tags

Dialogue is probably the most important words you will write in your story. What and how your character speaks, speaks volumes about them. But it’s more than just the dialogue itself. It’s how you write it, punctuate it, and elevate it with action beats. Let’s break it down with an example.

“Are you coming back to my house tonight since you haven’t worked things out with your parents yet?” Julie asked while she grabbed her jeans out of her backpack to change out of her cheer uniform.

This line was an early version of a draft of my novel. This is an example of what NOT to do. And here’s why.

The dialogue itself falls into the “As you know, Bob” territory, which is exposition in dialogue specifically for the reader and not the character. If the dialogue is content the characters would already know, it may risk falling into exposition.

Additionally, there is a dialogue tag and an action beat. You only need one. Dialogue tags are only needed for reader clarification, so they know who is speaking. And don’t get fancy. They should disappear. He says, she says, he whispered, she whispered, etc.

An action beat is either a character action or an interior thought. If the character speaks a line of dialogue, you can punctuate with a period and then use an action beat or interior thought. If you don’t want to use an action beat or interior thought for the line of dialogue, then punctuate it with a comma and use he said, she said, etc.

Also, as far as the dialogue itself, most people don’t speak in complete sentences. Here is an example of a rewrite.

“You coming to my house again tonight?” Julie grabbed her jeans out of her backpack and ducked into a bathroom stall to change.

The revision also reduces word count and shortens sentences. Super important.

Check Point

Go line by line through your dialogue. And ask yourself these questions 1) Does it sound realistic. 2) If there is interiority, would the character have the time to think it during the conversation? 3) Am I using an action beat and a dialogue tag. Pick one. 4) Am I punctuating correctly based on my use of action beat or dialogue tag.

Interiority

I love interiority. This is what sets books apart from movies. The reader gets to go into the psyche of the main character. This is what a camera cannot capture. But it needs to be intentional. This isn’t a place to info-dump backstory or exposition. And one of the things I really try to point out to authors is in this scene does this character physically have the time to think this thing they are thinking. I also look to see if makes sense that in this scene the character would be thinking this thing. Additionally, one thing I really LOVE is when interiority contradicts what is happening on the page.

For example: In Worth It main character Angela is about to go babysit a neighbors son. But the real reason she’s going is hoping to see the older brother. The reader doesn’t know it yet. But this is how interiority in this brief bit of dialogue with her brother (who now has to watch their little sister) goes.

“So why can’t she go? What’s one more kid?” He overfilled a bowl with the knock-off corn flakes my father now bought.

“Because I’ll be home too late.” It wasn’t a lie, just not the whole truth.

Super brief, but it ratchets up the tension and curiosity without telling too much. And you don’t need a line of interiority for every bit of dialogue. Especially in quick, fast-paced conversations. A little goes a long way.

Check Point

As an exercise, look a conversation between two characters in your story that includes tension. Is tons of interiority impacting pacing? Or is there none and you could add something brief that would show how the character is feeling about the conversation?

-Ing Verbs

Let me explain, we use -ing verbs all the time in conversation. I’ve used -ing verbs in this article. But as I said before, this is fiction. -Ing verbs can weaken writing. And not in all cases, but in many, especially when used as a participial phrase.

Smelling the Thanksgiving spread, my stomach rumbled.

My stomach rumbled at the savory scents of the Thanksgiving spread.

I’m not a grammar expert (check out Grammar Girl because she is!), but it’s clear the sentence without the -ing verb is stronger writing. Plus we’ve removed a filter word (smell).

Check Point

You get two here. One is 100% read this article about -ing verbs. Next is follow the advice at the end of the article. Search your manuscript for -ing verbs and revise when you can and when it strengthens your sentence.

Repetition

When I say repetition what I mean is similar or same words (phrases or ideas) in close proximity that’s not intentional. The word intentional keeps coming up doesn’t it? Take note.

This is often overlooked, but those words can become echos. These repetitive words or phrases are often an author’s crutches. For example, breathed, sucked in a breath, inhaled, took a deep breath, etc. overused especially too close together, and readers take notice. Repeating how a character breathes too often can become repetitious to a reader.

But it’s also words or phrases that aren’t crutches that appear too close together that could easily be corrected.

Check Point

Select of random chapter of your manuscript, are words or phrases repeated closely together that aren’t intentional? Can you either cut or swap them for something else. Autocrit is a great tool to help you find these. Also, use a thesaurus to find new words, just don’t get fancy. Keep it simple.

Internal Physical Sensations

Let me ask you a question. On a regular day, how often do you notice and name your stomach twisting into knots, your spine tingling, your heart beating out of your chest, bile rising in your throat, knees buckling, etc? Chances are—not often. And when you do, it’s in super intense situations. And even then in that moment you probably wouldn’t notice the internal physical sensation until after the moment has occurred.

People aren’t consistently checking-in on how their body feels on the inside unless it forces us to notice. Repetitive use of internal physical sensations starts to feel hyperbolic. Like a sneaky way to show how the character is feeling without doing the work of letting us into their interiority, using compelling dialogue. And you 100% can use internal physical sensations, but keep it minimal and you guessed it—intentional.

A great way to use internal physical sensations is when a character notices this in another character. For example, instead of a character narrating how they were breathing, have another character ask them, “Are you okay? You seem out of breath.” It’s MUCH more powerful. And you can give your MC interiority instead.:)

Check Point

As mentioned in the section before, pick a random chapter of your manuscript and write down all of the internal physical sensations of your main character. Can you revise some of them instead to show what the character is feeling through dialogue, interiority, or character action?

Junk Words – Words You Can Cut

Nothing more I love than cutting words! And these shouldn’t be cut throughout your manuscript. Especially in dialogue. But search for them in your prose and if you cut and the sentence still makes sense, take those suckers out! I’m going to give simple examples of each.

• That – I didn’t know that she was angry. / I didn’t know she was angry.

• Really/Very – I was really excited. I was very excited. Find a stronger verb. / I was ecstatic.

• Of – As in “all of the time” it can just be “all the time.”

• Down & Up – I sit down. I stand up. Sitting is down and standing is up. / I sit. I stand.

• Start & Began – I start to run. I begin to cry. Unless your character is literally starting something, cut them. / I sprint. Tears well.

• Then – I sprint to the door then open it. / I sprint to the door and open it.

• Sudden – I suddenly remembered what I’d said. / I remembered what I’d said.

• Just – I just didn’t recognize her. You just really don’t need just. / I didn’t recognize her.

• So – So I use this one ALL the time. / I use this one all the time.

• The – The smog filled the forest. – If you don’t need the word the, cut it. / Smog filled the forest.

This is a small list. I recommend doing a Google search for words to cut in your manuscript. And this should be one of the last things you do. If not, they will creep back in if you are still revising.

Closing

The most important take-away I want authors to take from this is—your story is your baby. A editors and agents, we value and respect that. We aren’t the genius behind your creative idea. You are! But what we have are the tools to help you execute your creative idea in the most streamlined and compelling way. Trust the process. We got you!

“Edit your manuscript until your fingers bleed and you have memorized every last word. Then, when you are certain you are on the verge of insanity…edit one more time!”

-CK Webb