I had the honor of attending the Florida Writing Day Workshop in Tampa, Florida, this past weekend. I met so many amazing people in the writing community. If you haven’t attended a Writing Day Workshop, I urge you to search for one in your area. You won’t regret it!

I served on a panel that critiqued authors’ first pages. Several other agents and I received a stack of about thirty first pages from authors in attendance. A moderator read one page at a time, and we raised our hands when we would stop reading a submission if it landed in our inbox. Once three of us raised our hands, the moderator stopped reading, and we shared our feedback.

When I was a querying author, this kind of LIVE feedback would have been invaluable. I also have so much respect for every author who felt confident enough to put their first page out there. You’re all one step closer to making your author dreams come true.

As we read through the submissions, several of the same comments came up repeatedly from me and the other agents. I thought it might help current querying authors to hear some of the consistent comments across different submissions.

1. Nothing is Happening

Many beautifully written first pages lacked plot. Gorgeous prose is great, but if nothing actually happens on your first page, you might want to take a second glance.

2. Characters Inside Their Head

Character interiority is one of the most compelling aspects of a novel. Film can’t capture what a character is thinking but a book can. However, if in the first page all the reader gets is character interiority then you risk falling into the above “nothing is happening.”

3. Characters Alone or Too Many Characters

Several submissions featured a character alone in their thoughts (nothing happening + characters inside their head too much) or so many characters it was confusing. Finding a balance is key. Two to three characters in your opening scene is usually all you need. And ensure who you introduce to your reader first is who they should care about. Who readers meet on page one is who they immediately invest in.

4. It Was a Dark and Stormy Night – Cliche Openings

Several submissions began with rainstorms, characters waking up, dead bodies, a character in transit, etc. You crafted a 100% original story so you can (and should) craft a 100% original opening scene. When agents read several submissions at a time, and many have the same opening, they start to feel like the same submission.

5. Overly Descriptive

While it’s important to give the reader an indication of where they are in time and place, it’s also important NOT to overly describe the setting and character details. Trust the reader to put some of the puzzle together themselves. And they want to!

One way to do this is to follow a formula for setting often used in film. As a former TV Production teacher, I worked with students using this exact formula. Write one sentence as an establishing shot. Write a second that zooms in slightly closer. Then finally a third tightly zoomed into a close detail.

For example: “At least a hundred bundled-up residents packed into the town square. A couple with scarves wound to their chins approached Liv’s booth. She rubbed the frigid garnet crystal around her neck in hopes she’d make a sale.”

Now this isn’t literary genius, but hopefully, you can see how the first sentence establishes where we are and even the weather without telling. The second zeros in on one couple. And finally, we establish SO much by our tight shot on the main character. The following sentences can be dialogue and interiority.

6. Highly Intense Scene

Several submissions began with highly intense scenes where the reader should be on the edge of their seat, afraid of what might happen to the main character. But without knowing anything about the main character, it’s difficult for the reader to feel that fear.

If your story starts with an intense scene, ask beta readers whether they feel the emotion you’re hoping to evoke. If they don’t, consider backing up just a little so the reader can meet the main character before they face a life-or-death situation.

7. Vague Opening Sentence

STOP! Right now go read your opening line.

Could it be the opening line to any book? If so, it’s possibly too vague. I always encourage authors to craft an opening line that could ONLY be your book. This is an amazing way to hook a reader.

I also saw several first pages that started with dialogue. This can also be risky because the reader doesn’t know who is speaking, where they are, or how to hear that character’s voice.

Your opening line has big job. Make it unmistakably YOURS!

8. Lack of Character Goals

The most compelling first scenes (and all scenes in fact) are characters actively pursuing goals with obstacles in their way. They either achieve their goal or they don’t. Then they make new goals and we rinse and repeat throughout the novel. If your main character isn’t actively pursuing SOMETHING on page one, you risk losing readers.

9. Confusing

Several submissions read confusing. It wasn’t clear who was the main character, what they were doing or pursuing, or the main POV. Sometimes this was because the authors were exercising their creative writing muscles. But lengthy, overwritten sentences and paragraphs can feel confusing to a reader. Simplistic language, short sentences, and a clear POV, are much easier for a reader to follow.

10. Unrealistic Dialogue

Two problem areas of dialogue appeared repeatedly. One was dialogue in complete sentences and two exposition in dialogue. Listen to how real people speak. My husband just said to me, “Ate all his mac and cheese.” This was meant to report that our nine-year-old son finished his lunch. He didn’t say, “Barclay finished his lunch. He ate all of his macaroni and cheese.”

Secondly, exposition in dialogue means the characters are saying things for the reader, not the character. This is often referred to as the “As you know, Bob” where then the character launches into dialogue the other character should know for the benefit of the reader.

In Closing

I hope these Ten Things to Consider Avoiding in Your First Page helps you be cognizant that some of these may be why you are getting passes. Consider looking for them in your first pages and revising.

As always, this is the opinion of a handful of agents at one conference. Stay true to your voice, carry on, and keep writing!

About Amy

Amy Nielsen is a senior literary agent at The Purcell Agency, and award-wining author of the YA novel WORTH IT.